The Topper

Back during COVID, I was staying with my family, and the bed I was sleeping on felt like I was roughing it in the wilderness — except worse, because at least campers have sleeping bags. Desperate for a solution (and functioning spine), I went into full-blown research mode. I spent hours reading thousands of mattress reviews like I was preparing for my PhD in Sleep Studies. Finally, I crowned the “Naptime” mattress topper as the chosen one. I shared my findings with my dad, who immediately bought it… along with a random “other” brand because, of course, he had to hedge his bets.

I got to sleep on the Naptime for a few glorious weeks, while my dad tested the backup. And let me tell you — it was love at first lay. I slept so well I thought I’d woken up in another dimension. I was bragging about it like I’d invented the thing myself. But the moment I left to go back to my own place, my dad snatched it for his own bed faster than a seagull stealing fries. Now it sits proudly on my parents’ bed, where they sleep like royalty… while I got stuck with the ‘other’ brand. Let me tell you, that thing is about as comfortable as a pile of anxiety and poor life choices. But hey, he paid for it, he lives there — what could I do?

Fast forward to now — I lost my job and moved back in with my parents. I’m back to sleeping on a mattress so hard I half-expect it to shout, "Stop being dramatic!" every time I complain. I feel like the Princess and the Pea… except instead of a pea, it’s just my…